September Mailbag: Is Dave Haywood Going Solo?

Is Dave Haywood going solo?
Only if he thinks his latest song he’s written, “I’m Leaving The Gravy Train” is going to be a hit. – Ken

No, but he will be featured on the upcoming season of Meerkat Manor. — CMW

I don’t think so, because he’s a pretty integral part of… um, what band is he with again? – Sam

Who is antebellum?
That great trio in modern popular culture: Scarlet O’Hara, Rhett Butler & Ashley Wilkes. – Ken

Uncle Bellum’s Wife. – Stephen

I don’t know, but I’m going to have to take a pro-Bellum stance on this. – Jim

How do you say you are a cool woman in Spanish?
Estoy atascado en el hielo. – Ken

Why do people listen to country music?
Because they want to be reminded of what pop music sounded like 20 years ago. – Sam

Because nothing gets chicks hotter than a banjo and fiddle. – Ken

Because rap doesn’t have enough songs about tractors. – Jim

What does it mean when a girl gives you dead flowers?
She loves you? She loves you NOT. – Ken

What is the Bomshel fan mail address?
Just write “BOMSHEL” (all caps) on the envelope and it will get there. — CMW

Someone at Curb just got really excited… — Jim

How did Carrie Underwood start her career?
As an underwood model. – Ken

Blake Shelton, do I turn you on at all when I kiss you, baby?
I thought we agreed not to discuss this matter publicly, Luke. – Blake

What to wear to a George Jones country music concert?
Tinted glasses and a perfectly helmet-shaped white wig. – CMW

What does ‘roll a big fat one’ mean in “Toes” by Zac Brown Band?
Zac once heroically saved a beached whale by pushing it back in the ocean. – Sam

There is no such line in “Toes.” — CMW’s local country station

Whattya think of that?
Frankly, it would have been better with more cowbell. – CMW

Kellie Pickler, didn’t you know how much I loved you?
Dammit Miranda, put down the beer and back away from the computer! – Sam

What does it mean when a guy calls a girl a firecracker?
The guy isn’t very clever, so the relationship probably isn’t going anywhere. Unless the guy is Josh Turner, in which case he can say pretty much whatever the hell he wants and make it sound cool. No fair that some guys get the bass voices. – CMW

As a songwriter, what do they do?
They spend hours upon hours every week, struggling to find just the perfect words to describe love, loneliness, true happiness and other elements of the human condition, with all its strengths and frailties. And then when they’re tired of starving, they write “Big Green Tractor.” – Sam

I can understand why this career path may seem a little unclear, since the job title is so vague. – Karlie

You tell me. You’re the songwriter. – Matt

How many people did Justin Moore grow up with?
250. And they all broke their backs just to earn a buck, and they never get ahead but they had enough. — Sam

Justin Moore lived in a town so far back that the closest neighbor was on the other side of a hill, which was two hollers away, and the only way to get there was by riding a horse down a treacherous, winding trail that was occasionally obstructed by Indians. From there, he and his best friend Joe Bob would hop in a canoe and navigate a muddy creek for a couple of miles until they came to a riverbank. From there, they would hitchhike into a one-stoplight town, where they would spend hours drinking moonshine and smoking Daddy’s cigarettes behind the bowling alley. – Jim

Who started the country music?
I feel like I should know this one. It was the Eagles, right? – CMW

Who sings beer on the table?
I wish I could sing beer onto my table. – Jim

Who writes Eric Church’s songs?
Someone with a copy of 1001 Favorite Country Music Cliches and a dart. – Sam

What does Kevin Fowler sing?
Penis jokes, set to music. – Jim

Who sings outside my window?
Might be Bryan White. He’s not very busy these days, plus he strikes me as the Peter Pan type. – CMW

If it’s not Christmas time and someone is singing outside your window I would advise you to call the police. – Matt

Is Taylor Swift really country?
That depends on your definition of country. And your definition of Taylor Swift. – Jim

When was Chuck Wicks in Gruene, Texas?
The better question is “How did Chuck Wicks get out of Gruene in one piece?” – Sam

Does Julianne Hough wear hair extensions?
Everything about Julianne is authentic, from her hair to her country music career. – Karlie

No, but Willie Nelson does. Seriously–he does. – Jim

Who sings more: Brooks or Dunn?
Well, Garth’s retired, and I haven’t heard from Holly in ages, so I’d say it’s a tie. – Sam

What do the Spanish words in “Toes” by Zac Brown mean?
Estoy atascado en el hielo. – Jim

What does the song “Don’t Blink” mean?
I think it’s a tribute to mimes all over the world. – Matt

Are song pluggers a legitimate part of the music industry?
Yes. Every time “Cowboy Casanova” comes on the radio, I put on a pair of song pluggers to block it out. – Sam

If you grant me a 100% publisher’s share and a 50% writer’s share, I’ll be happy to pitch your song to the biggest names in country music! For free! – Jim

Just so you know what you’re getting under this old hat, I’m more country.
But not more country than Justin Moore! – Jim