Miranda Lambert Introduces Her Own Private Label Wine

Brody Vercher | December 10th, 2007 Email Share

  1. Kelly
    December 10, 2007 at 9:44 am Permalink

    Should we go ahead and begin the “anatomically correct” joke series in regards to the casting for the Dolly Parton movie? Let me know, I am working on some “big” jokes…

  2. Jim Malec
    December 10, 2007 at 9:48 am Permalink

    I have a feeling the movie will be a big success.

  3. Peter Kohan
    December 10, 2007 at 11:12 am Permalink

    “Alyssa Lies” - to me - was one of the worst songs I’ve ever heard, playing up the tragedy of child abuse and ratcheting up the melodrama with the abused kid dying, only to then come to a sanctimonious final chorus that seems so forced.

    Here’s the initial two choruses…

    “Alyssa Lies
    To the classroom
    Alyssa lies
    Everyday at school
    Alyssa lies
    To the teacher
    As she tries to cover every bruise”

    … and then the final chorus…

    “She doesn’t lie
    In the classroom
    She doesn’t lie
    Anymore at school
    Alyssa lies
    With Jesus
    Because there’s nothing anyone would do”

    Just revisiting the track again turns my stomach. Talk about a heavy-handed lyrical sledgehammer. There are some song topics where you just can’t out-Luka Suzanne Vega.

  4. Jim Malec
    December 10, 2007 at 11:14 am Permalink

    Peter–I agree 1000% about that song, and, to be frank, JMC has a lot to prove, in my book. I don’t have much respect for a person who gallivants around on his radio tour talking about how he didn’t even really listen to country music until he joined a country band in his late teens.

  5. elisa
    December 10, 2007 at 12:32 pm Permalink

    Yesterday I heard a radio interview with JMC in which he expressed amazement that people are thinking of him in the same way that they think of country stars like Brad Paisley. Now, I don’t know about you, but I don’t think JMC and Brad should even be mentioned in the same conversation, let alone the same breath!!!!

  6. Hollerin' Ben
    December 10, 2007 at 1:41 pm Permalink

    JMC looks like a swamp creature. I’m pretty sure he blinks horizontally.

  7. Peter Kohan
    December 10, 2007 at 1:50 pm Permalink

    Jim - I am not saying anything about the rest of his music per se, and I personally don’t care if an artist is Willie Nelson’s long-lost son or some guy who discovered the music after a lifetime of being a Goth, or what have you. Heck, how many songwriters and artists have discovered what they want to do only after years of selling insurance or working at an ad agency or being someone’s secretary or being their local karaoke star? Bona fides or lineage don’t mean a thing to me if the artist isn’t particularly compelling.

    Just because JMC isn’t my cup of tea doesn’t mean I think he ought to pack it in and go home. If he’s got an audience that wants to hear him play, then it’s not my place to prevent him from serving that audience.

  8. Kelly
    December 10, 2007 at 1:52 pm Permalink

    I have never been a fan of songs that use the easy, predictable and sad device of child abuse to gain listeners sympathy and elicit goosebumps. They feel like gimmick songs to me. They’re always sad, and recent examples mention how Jesus is taking care of the child and blah blah. This song showcases manufactured, formulaic song choosing and production. We cry at songs about soldiers and abused children, we laugh at songs about rednecks, we hoot and holler to songs about “beer thirty on friday nights”. If you are gonna make me sad, please be innovative and use a new template.

  9. Chris N.
    December 10, 2007 at 2:23 pm Permalink

    There’s no easier way to elicit easy tears than to create a child character and then kill him/her off. That’s the only reason these songs exist.

  10. Hollerin' Ben
    December 10, 2007 at 2:28 pm Permalink

    I definitely agree with everything that’s been said here, but to be fair, classic artists aren’t immune to this either. Dolly Parton comes to mind as someone who has used the “dying little girl” device a few times.

  11. Chris N.
    December 10, 2007 at 3:01 pm Permalink

    Dolly’s written more than 3,000 songs, so I’m assuming she’s used pretty much every lyrical device at least a few times.

  12. Brady Vercher
    December 10, 2007 at 3:30 pm Permalink

    I was apathetic towards “Alyssa Lies,” but I thought John Michael Montgomery’s “The Little Girl” was good, although it wasn’t necessarily about child abuse. What are the Dolly songs you’re thinking of, Ben?

    ————

    They should have called Miranda’s merlot: My Ex-Boyfriend’s Cyanide-Thinned Blood Merlot. I just don’t understand how her name is going to lend any credibility to a wine or to what the news article on her site says are “the very values that we honor.”

  13. Matt C.
    December 10, 2007 at 4:11 pm Permalink

    The announcement about the wine label was actually made by Miranda’s parents and they said that they were doing it in her name. I get the impression that this is something they’ve wanted to do for a while and simply thought that their daughter’s celebrity presented an opportunity.

    Every songwriter who’s written significantly panders with horrible cliche narrative devices at some point. It doesn’t necessarily make them a bad songwriter, but it may make for a bad song.

  14. Hollerin' Ben
    December 10, 2007 at 4:27 pm Permalink

    I see you plan on making me do some research eh?

    p.s.- strangely enough, the first time I heard the first song was at a tribute show to Dolly starring two 300 pound drunken drag queens. it was really something.

    Me and Little Andy
    Two Little Orphans
    Malena
    Letter to heaven (where the girl is hit by a truck on the way to the mailbox where she was sending her mommy a letter in heaven, damn Dolly!)

    and that was just from a cursory google search, so there must be some more hanging around.

    Although I don’t think any of them revolve completely around a little girl being beaten to death.

  15. Heidi
    December 11, 2007 at 12:18 pm Permalink

    I don’t like “Alyssa Lies” but I love the rest of “Waitin’ in the Country”. It’s one of those cd’s that get’s in to my player and doesn’t come out because I just keep listening to it over and over. “No Good in Goodbye” is one of my favourites on the cd.

  16. mikeky
    December 11, 2007 at 4:48 pm Permalink

    3 things:

    1. does anyone know if carrie underwood’s roommate is male or female? the story has been removed;
    2. please GOD don’t let dolly parton fall victim to scientology. let us pray together, friends;
    3. a marine with long hair and an earring? really? they allow that now? cool!!

  17. Brady Vercher
    December 11, 2007 at 5:08 pm Permalink

    Underwood’s roommate is a female. A friend from college if I remember correctly. The Tennessean seems to remove a lot of articles for some reason. I wonder why that is?

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