Mailbag: The Blake Shelton Guest Edition

Why is country music the best?
Country music is more diverse than any other genre. It embraces a lot of styles and sounds and Country artists are influenced by all those different styles. And…Country music fans have the biggest boobs. – Blake Shelton

In what city is there a street named George Jones Place?
I don’t know, but I really hope there’s a John Deere dealership on it. – Sam

So why does Johnny Cash wear black?
To prove he didn’t have dandruff. – Blake Shelton

Because Johnny’s chicken suit was just too expensive to have dry cleaned regularly. – Ken

Why are people on oil rigs called roughnecks?
Hold on a minute and let me drive 120 miles to the nearest rig and ask. – Blake Shelton

Man, where’s Michael Sarver now that we actually need him? – Sam

What does “backside of a mule” mean?
Please go away. – Blake Shelton

Darius Rucker needs better songwriters. – Karlie

What type of jeans does Alan Jackson wear?
Long ones. – CM

“Little Bitty” jeans. – Ken

Who should the Country Music Hall of Fame elect next?
For their influence on today’s country music, Aerosmith. – Sam

What does “roll a big fat one” mean?
It means (not suited for radio). – Pierce

Why did George Strait agree to Pure Country 2: The Gift?
Top 10 Reasons George Strait Agreed to Do Pure Country 2: The Gift

10. Needed an excuse to hang out with Katrina Elam.
9. Saw one of Toby Keith’s acting attempts, figured what the hell.
8. Swayed by promise of Christmas cookies with sprinkly things on top at catering table.
7. Was drinking with Martina McBride when manager relayed offer.
6. Could really use the money for new jean press and shirt starch.
5. Was sure nobody would see it anyway.
4. Original script contained numerous puns involving his last name.
3. Still processing events of 9/11.
2. Testing the waters for Pure Country 3: Electric Boogaloo.
1. Thought he’d get to wear the clip-on ponytail again. – CM

Why do people have lots of passion for country music?
It is music that you can relate to and overtime have a relationship with the artist, even if you don’t know them because country artists are so accessible. – Blake Shelton

Why does Jason Aldean’s drummer always have his mouth open?
Waiting to yell “Hey, you’re wearing a ladies’ shirt!” when Jason turns to face him. – CM

He can’t believe people actually come out to these concerts. – Karlie

How much does Miranda Lambert weigh?
Approximately 1.25 Carrie Underwoods – Sam

How to get a date with Taylor Swift?
Be the proud owner of a Grammy, an Oscar or a Nickelodeon Teen Choice Award. – Sam

Why is there a groan in “Gunpowder and Lead?”
She missed his heart on her first shot and had to take a second. – Ken

Why did Don Williams take off four years?
If you plan on sticking around Till the Rivers All Run Dry, you sort of have to pace yourself. Besides, it was only three months in Tulsa time. – CM

Why did Alan Jackson decide to sing?
Why did DaVinci decide to paint? Why did Shakespeare decide to write? Why did Colt Ford decide to rap? Some things are better off enjoyed without an explanation. – Sam

What is “Only Prettier” about?
Miranda Lambert, Juli Thanki, Janet Goodman, Karlie Justus… and CM Wilcox. – Ken

Why does Zac Brown Band wear a hat?
His head ends abruptly one inch above his eyebrows. The beanie is stuffed with crumpled-up newspapers to give it a rounder shape. – CM

He wanted something on his mind. – Ken

By wearing one collective hat, it’s easier to keep track of band members by forcing all of their heads into a giant beanie. No more leaving town after a show minus the fiddle player, thanks to one groupie or another. – Karlie

Why do people like bluegrass music?
Beats the hell out of me. – Blake Shelton

They’re under the mistaken impression that George Clooney invented it. But seriously, someone get Blake some Jimmy Martin. – CM

Who are Brooks & Dunn and why did they wait 20 years to split?
I’m not sure Garth and Holly were ever actually an item. – Ken

What is Kix Brooks doing now?
Actually singing. – Pierce

Why can’t I be rich and good looking?
Being rich will get you way more action than being good lookin’ so why care? – Blake Shelton

What does “Hemingway’s Whiskey” mean?
It means Kenny Chesney is trying to appear smarter than he really is, leaving the core of his fan-base hopelessly confused. – Pierce

Why do Kenny Chesney’s songs make me cry?
“She Thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” made a lot of people cry. – Sam

What kind of jeans does Luke Bryan wear?
Luke Bryan doesn’t wear jeans, because jeans in rain are not good things. – Karlie

My wife said it was a brand I’ve never heard of called “Yummy.” – Ken

Why did Blake Shelton cover a Joe Nichols song?
Too busy answering mailbag questions to find a song that hadn’t already been recorded. – CM