Live Blog: Nashville Star, Season Six, Episode Four

It’s “Family Week” on Nashville Star and each contestant gets two chances to perform a country song. I’m not sure what family week means (hint to contestants: there are lots of country songs about family!) but I fear that we’ll see plenty of melodramatic videos about single parents and dead goldfish. Whatever happens, there are two things to look forward to: Blake Shelton performs and we live blog, and everything starts at 8 p.m. central.

8:55 – Matt C: Before we begin, I have some good news: two contestants are going home tonight! Is it too much to hope that those contestants will be Tommy Stanley and Coffey? Probably, so I’ll settle for one of the two. Getting rid of those two won’t much increase the collective talent, but it will make watching the show considerably less infuriating.

9:00 – Matt C: Before we even began, Chris N. got in a pretty good quip: If anybody does “I’m My Own Grandpa,” I’ll vote for them five times.

9:00 – Matt C: Pathetic: now even Miley Cyrus is too much to hope for.

9:02 – Matt C: “Don’t Stop Believing” was a pop song that ended an HBO series about a mob family, so yeah, it’s perfect for family week on a country show.

9:04 – Matt C: Playing two instruments during the same song is nothing but showing off.

9:06 – Matt C: I’ll give this to Ashlee Hewitt: she’s been consistent. However, I still don’t care for the tone of her voice and I hate her song choices. She’s just not a country singer.

9:08 – Matt C: Wait, the contestants are performing twice in a row? Is this to prevent one of the judges from committing a Paula Abdul?

9:08 – Matt C: This just in: ASHLEE HEWITT SINGS A COUNTRY SONG!!!!

9:09 – Matt C: And it lasted 23 seconds.

9:09 – Matt C: John Rich knows that it was Sammi Smith, not Tammy Wynette, who had a hit with “Help Me Make it Through The Night,” right? Apparently he’s never heard Tammy sing either.

9:13 – Matt C: BRC just gave me an Achy Breaky Heart: only one contestant will be going home tonight.

9:13 – Matt C: And it’s not Coffey.

9:15 – Matt C: I’m guessing that Coffey doesn’t know that Hank Williams sang this song, otherwise, he certainly wouldn’t touch it. “Hey Good Lookin’” is a Jimmy Buffett record, right?

9:15 – Matt C: Wow, Coffey had a little Dwight Yoakam action going on during the break there.

9:16 – Matt C: That trill in Coffey’s voice is just annoying.

9:18 – Matt C: See, this is what’s wrong with the current conception of country music. Coffey’s response to John RIch’s criticism that he’s obviously not a country singer is “I’m from a small town.”

9:19 – Matt C: I never thought I’d be saying this, but we’re three for four on songs that have actually been cut by country artists.

9:21 – Matt C: Paula: John Rich has the nerve to tell someone they’re not country? How the hell would he know?

9:25 – Matt C: Bah, hopes dashed. Tommy Stanley performs next.

9:26 – Matt C: Believe it or not, I consider a Rascal Flatts song to be a welcome reprieve. “Bless the Broken Road” is also one of the few good songs in their catalog.

9:26 – Matt C: Insight into Tommy Stanley’s (lack of) country mentality: on a country music show, he calls “Tiny Dancer” an Elton John song.

9:28 – Matt C: Hate to say it, but that was Tommy Stanley’s best performance. Keep him under 50 beats per minute so he doesn’t have those pseudo-seizures.

9:31 – Matt C: Is it just me, or have the producers finally decided that they need to make this a country program? Every contestant, even the inveterate poppers, have sung at least one country song, the judges are focusing on whether the contestant can sing country music, and even the families are prodding their loved ones to “return to their roots.”

9:32 – Matt C: Chris N.: I wish Tommy Stanley’s dad was Paul Stanley.

9:35 – Matt C: Did Tommy’s shipmate just thank him for “keeping my dreams alive?”

9:36 – Matt C: Boy, what’s with the kids these days? Those sailors can’t march for shit.

9:37 – Matt C: Roger: Chris N. I wish his dad was Ralph Stanley!

9:40 – Matt C: BRC seems to take sadistic pleasure in these after-the-break “cliffhangers.” Hey, at least he’s showing some personality. Why do I get the impression that the Nashville Star producers made him watch lots of Howie Mandel tapes?

9:42 – Matt C: Ok, I just saw a commercial in which Carrie Underwood is singing to a pony. It was pretty pitchy too; can corporate American not afford auto-tune?

9:45 – Matt C: Pearl Heart isn’t familiar with a Restless Heart song? No shit.

9:45 – Matt C: I’m still amazed that Jeffrey Steele called, “I’ll Still Be Loving You,” a song that he didn’t write “one of the best songs ever written.”

9:46 – Matt C: File Pearl Heart into the “consistent” folder. I agree with Matt B.: good performance, but pretty flat. More significantly, I’ve yet to hear them sing anything other than three-part harmony, which can get pretty boring.

9:51 – Matt C: Again I find myself agreeing with Matt B.: Why don’t they just switch Katie and Billy Ray around? She actually is a host. BRC is an entertainer (one who LOVES the spotlight) but he certainly ain’t no host, no matter how much ‘Howie’ he has been studying.

9:53 – Matt C: Pearl Heart becomes the first artist to go two for two on country songs with “One Way Ticket.” Nice.

9:54 – Matt C: However, that was a really ugly performance, almost Taylor Swift ugly. Their worst pitch problems yet.

9:55 – Matt C: Melissa Lawson is up next.

9:58 – Matt C: I don’t understand all the fawning over Melissa Lawson. She holds pitch better than just about any of the contestants, but her voice just sounds so empty to me. It’s like she’s digging for some pipes that just aren’t there.

9:59 – Matt C: The audience is really loving Lawson, but I just don’t get it. Regardless of her talent, NBC has to be hoping that she doesn’t win. Like it or not, she’s just not marketable to the country audience, and this show needs to produce a star to become viable on a major network.

10:02 – Matt C: Besides, I think that Melissa Lawson has “Angela Hacker” written all over her. Someone who’s kind of good at one thing but isn’t nearly as talented as an over-produced reality show makes her seem.

10:06 – Matt C: Ugh. The only three performers left are my three favorites. As much as I’ll miss the eye candy, I hope that Alyson Gilbert gets the ax.

10:08 – Matt C: There’s not much personality in Shawn Mayer’s Faith Hill carbon-copy, but I am gaining more appreciation for her vocal ability. She’s not bad.

10:10 – Matt C: Seriously, Shawn…just “breathe.”

10:12 – Matt C: Damn, Shawn Mayer already has merch.

10:12 – Matt C: Randy Travis! So country that I can smell the manure! Amazing how much better a real country song makes a bad performance sound (and that was a terrible performance).

10:18 – Matt C: Who’d have thought that Blake Shelton would perform the least country song of the night? That’s a pleasant surprise.

10:19 – Matt C: Blake used to be a judge on Nashville Star. He did a good job, even if he spent way too much time trying to pick up Whitney Duncan.

10:22 – Matt C: Any guesses about who’s going home tonight?

10:26 – Matt C: This is not good. I could forgive Gabe Garcia for performing pop songs the last two weeks, as he didn’t have much choice, but now he’s chosen a Bon Jovi song when everyone else is singing country music. I’m afraid that he skews more pop-rock than honky-tonk.

10:29 – Matt C: That was a rock performance, but a damn good one. Gabe Garcia is a legitimate talent; I’m just not sure what kind of talent he is.

10:32 – Matt C: Gabe does do a mean George Strait. Another fantastic performance. This is the kind of stuff that I like to hear him sing.

10:37 – Matt C: I have to root for the talented Laura & Sophie, but it’s hard. Alyson Gilbert is so pretty.

10:38 – Matt C: Ouch, even mom says that Alyson is going down.

10:39 – Matt C: Alyson’s trying too hard. If you have to yell at the audience to get interested, you’ve already failed.

10:41 – Matt C: Jeffrey Steele is right. Alyson seems like she should be great, but she just hasn’t delivered.

10:46 – Matt C: After establishing themselves as the most country performers of the competition, Laura & Sophie are performing “Walking on Sunshine.” Smacks of desperation.

10:47 – Matt C: I won’t feel as bad if Laura & Sophie leave after this performance. Unfortunately, these two have gone back to amateur hour.

10:48 – Matt C: Chris N: Disney Channel on line one!

10:50 – Matt C: I hated that arrangement and the vocal performance was disappointing. Their worst performance of the competition by far. For once, I agree with the criticism of Laura & Sophie as amateurs. As Chris correctly pointed out, it looked and sounded like the Disney Channel.

10:50 – Matt C: Matt B.: Watching these girls sing that song was like the girls in “13 going on 30″ sing into a hairbrush.

10:52 – Matt C: Alyson Gilbert is going home. Just put a cutout on the side of the stage, ok? We males would appreciate it.

10:55 – Matt C: Ouch, this is cacophonous. For the second time tonight, Laura & Sophie are nothing but dis-harmony.

10:56 – Matt C: Steele is already starting to let them down easy. Not a good sign for Disney’s next stars.

10:57 – Matt C: Ok, next week two contestants are going home. Coffey and Tommy Stanley, please?

10:58 – Matt C: Oh my God…think there’s a black sheep in Billy Ray Cyrus’s family?

10:59 – Matt C: No Miley. I guess that you’re legally emancipated after your first nude photo shoot.

10:59 – Matt C: Thanks for coming, folks. I’ll post a wrap-up in a few minutes, and, for the first time, I will offer opinions about which contestants will and should win.

11:25 – Matt C:

Wrap-up: Wow, what a difference a few country songs make. The performances weren’t much better than previous episodes, but this show seems much better when not speckled with infuriating pop songs.

Best performance: In a show without a standout performance, I’ll go with Gabe Garcia, “Dead or Alive” and “The Fireman.” I would have preferred to hear him sing two country songs, but he did give a killer rock performance and his honky-tonk was, as always, unimpeachable.

Worst performance: Laura & Sophie. I loved them in the first three weeks, but both of their episode four performances were ungodly pitchy. They lost the chemistry that fueled “Rockin’ to the Rhythm of the Rain” and “Pretty Young Thing” and reverted to the amateur status that characterized their tentative performance of “Stand by Your Man.”

Should be eliminated: Laura & Sophie deserve another chance given the strength of their early performances, and two performers are going home next week, so I’ll go with Coffey and Tommy Stanley, the two least country and consistently awful contestants remaining. Enough said.

Will be eliminated: Laura & Sophie gave two awful performances and were panned by judges who seem to expect that they’re not long for the competition, so I suspect that the voters will follow the judges’ lead. With all the country emphasis this week, the “not country” criticism will stick to someone and that someone will be Coffey, because Tommy Stanley earned some extra military sympathy with the visit from his shipmates this week.

Should win: Gabe Garcia. It remains to be seen what kind of performer he is, but I’m comfortably declaring that he’s a talented and potentially successful one.

Will win: Melissa Lawson. Both the audience and the judges seem to be infatuated (no pun intended) with her, but I don’t get it. If Lawson does win, it will rank among Nashville Star’s bigger mistakes (and that’s saying something for a show that has had almost no commercial influence) because Lawson is almost completely unmarketable and her talent does not run as deep as this pitiful television show makes it seem.