January Mailbag: What Does Alan Jackson Like On His Eggs?
What does Alan Jackson like on his eggs?
Cheese and corn. — Stephen
He still likes bologna. — Ken
A load of salsa. — Jim
Hens. — CMW
What message is Tim McGraw saying in Southern Voice?
The message is that while most people think the South is full of uneducated rednecks and hillbillies, there are actually a number of noteworthy individuals who hail from southern states. — Jim
What country artist sings a song that has the words “i am not cry?”
It would have to be a non-native speaker, so I’ll go with Bucky Covington. — CMW
What does American Honey mean?
American Honey can be used a as a substitute for Strawberry Wine when half baking loss-of-innocence ballads. — Jim
How is the girl in the 8 second ride music video?
Unsatisfied. — Blake
What is the worst country song?
Whatever it is, odds are Fast Ryde wants to release it as a single. — Sam
That depends: What song happens to be playing on your local country radio station at the moment? — Jim
Is the Jason Aldean fan club worth it?
Sure. For $30, it comes with a cowboy hat, a batch of lame rock songs and absolutely no credibility. — Sam
It depends. Are you a party-all-nighter from South Carolina or a honey drippin’ honey from a holler in Kentucky? — CMW
What is the main idea of the song “Kiss My Country Ass?”
It’s a farmer’s how-to guide to mule husbandry. — Stephen
Who sings ill walk?
Colt Ford and Cowboy Troy duet on this remix of the classic country hit “I Can’t Dance” by the rootsy group Genesis. — Brady
@Brady: I hope the remix features the Smokin’ Armadillos. — Jim
What is the term for Willie Nelson’s singing style?
I believe the textbook term is “awesome.” — Stephen
Is the song “Big Green Tractor” really about a big green tractor?
Absolutely. No hidden meanings here — Sigmund Freud
Who created country music?
God. And on the 7th day, He rested, and the Devil created Rascal Flatts. — Sam
Al Gore. — Ken
John Rich. — CMW
The Irish. — Jim
What collage did Lady Antebellum go to?
I think you mean pastiche. — Stephen
University of Decoupage – Ken
Reasons why Carrie Underwood is inspiration?
Just because you grew up in small-town Oklahoma, it doesn’t mean you can’t one day be almost as good as Taylor Swift. — CMW
What happened to Caitlin & Will?
The Will & Grace spin-off was canceled after one episode. — Stephen
Where is Johnny Rodriguez?
He’s here enjoying fajitas with us, but we do still remember the Alamo. — CMW
Last we heard he was visiting a proctologist in Mexico to see about getting a thumb removed. — Brody
What lipstick does Julianne Hough wear?
It’s a special model called “Chuck Wicks Heartache” — Ken
What beer goes with what season?
Hunting Season: Moose Drool from Big Sky Brewing
Winter Season: Yellow Snow Ale from Rogue Ales
Bikini Season: Leinenkugel’s Big Butt
Christmas Season: Ridgeway’s Santa’s Butt
Engagement Season: Wasatch Polygamy Porter
Why lie Lee Greenwood?
Lee Greenwood would never lie. God does favor America over all other countries. — CM Wilcox
What is the best Johnny Cash song of all time?
Yes. — Stephen Deusner
What beer goes with what season?
Yes. — Stephen Deusner
What happened after Billy Ray’s big hit “Achy Breaky Heart?”
He got a lot of Oscar buzz for his performance as Hot Rod Johnson in the Bill Engvall film Bait Shop. — CMW
Who does Craig Wiseman want to blog about Lady Antebellum?
Probably not me. — Jim Malec
How old is Easton Corbin?
His face is about 14 and his voice is about 40. Add and divide by two to get 27. — CM Wilcox
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Tagged In This Article
Achy Breaky Heart // Al Gore // Alan Jackson // American Honey // Bait Shop // beer // Big Sky Brewing // Bikini Season // Bill Engvall // Billy Ray Cyrus // Bologna // Bucky Covington // Buddy Jewell // Caitlin & Will // Carrie Underwood // Cheese // Christmas // Chuck Wicks // Colt Ford // Corn // Country Radio // Country Rap // Cowboy Troy // Craig Wiseman // Easton Corbin // Eggs // Fast Ryde // Foreign Honey // Genesis // God // Hens // Hillbillies // Honey Drippin' Honeys // Hot Rod Johnson // Jake Owen // Jason Aldean // John Rich // Johnny Cash // Johnny Rodriguez // Julianne Hough // Lady Antebellum // Lame Rock Songs // Lee Greenwood // Leinenkugel Big Butt // Loss-of-Innocence Balads // Mexico // Moose Drool // Mule Husbandry // Non-Native Speakers // Party All-Nighters // Proctocology // Rascal Flatts // Rednecks // Rideway's Santa's Butt // Rogue Ales // Salsa // Sigmund Freud // Smokin' Armadillos // Southerners // Strawberry Wine // Tellow Snow // The Alamo // The Best Johnny Cash Song of All Time // The Devil // The Irish // The Jason Aldean Fan Club // The Worst Country Song // Tim McGraw // University of Decoupage // Wasatch Polygamy Porter // Will & Grace // Willie Nelson
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19 Comments
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February 1, 2010 at 8:24 am Permalink
“What country artist sings a song that has the words “i am not cry?”
It would have to be a non-native speaker, so I’ll go with Bucky Covington. — CMW”
PRICELESS…
February 1, 2010 at 8:27 am Permalink
CMW is on fire!
February 1, 2010 at 8:47 am Permalink
What do you get when you throw together a group of closed-minded individuals bitter about the changing face of country music?
The 9513 -Emgee
February 1, 2010 at 9:01 am Permalink
How many 9513 readers realize that the “letters” in this “mailbag” are not real, but just a created attempt for 9513 readers to TRY to be funny?
About the same as the number of of 9513 writers who realize that they are NOT funny. -Emgee
February 1, 2010 at 9:18 am Permalink
Actually, the questions come from queries people type in search engines to find The 9513, so in fact, none of them are made up. Better luck next time.
February 1, 2010 at 10:13 am Permalink
I’ve never read any hate on one of these things. And you know, I never realized until I started spending so much time online in the past year or so that so many people in the world had zero sense of humor. I feel sorry for those people. And I blame them being here on google alerts. How many bets that the words ‘bucky covington’ are what tipped them off?
Moving on, this was a great edition as usual. I look forward to these every month. I especially enjoyed the Underwood, Rodriguez, and Cyrus responses.
February 1, 2010 at 11:34 am Permalink
This is a top notch snarkfest this go round! The Alan Jackson, American Honey, and Jason Aldean comments are great stuff. On the other hand brownie points are being deducted for lack of references to “AirHead Country Radio” and “Obamavoter”! (lol)
February 1, 2010 at 12:01 pm Permalink
i think you’re funny emgee. but what the hell do i know? i’m bitter and close minded. oh well, i’d rather be happy than auto tuned.
February 1, 2010 at 12:07 pm Permalink
Not bad, but I think these mailbags would be immensely improved by following every punchline with “That’s not funny – Emgee.”
February 1, 2010 at 12:28 pm Permalink
“Not bad, but I think these mailbags would be immensely improved by following every punchline with “That’s not funny – Emgee.””
I think this website could be improved by actual diverse tastes instead of having Jim Malec telling you what to write.
“Now, that there’s funny.”
Not to mention true…
February 1, 2010 at 12:35 pm Permalink
“I started spending so much time online in the past year or so that so many people in the world had zero sense of humor.”
Oh, I have a great sense of humor. But having a great sense of humor doesn’t me require to laugh at things that just plain aren’t funny.
February 1, 2010 at 1:10 pm Permalink
Emgee, dear, isn’t someone else being wrong somewhere else on the internet? You might want to go correct them
February 1, 2010 at 1:39 pm Permalink
Why do you single Jim out as the dictator? He’s not even the one who owns the site.:)
February 1, 2010 at 2:08 pm Permalink
Quick, Emgee, there are kids on your lawn. Go yell at them.
February 1, 2010 at 2:19 pm Permalink
@Steve — Sure, Emgee may be a bit uptight, but don’t joke about neighbors’ kids on the lawn. I run out and grab the hose when I see the varmits in my yard.
February 1, 2010 at 2:36 pm Permalink
What do you get when you throw together a group of closed-minded individuals bitter about the changing face of country music?
The 9513 -Emgee
Country music is still the same and is just as strong as ever. What is changing is mainstream pop country.
February 1, 2010 at 3:44 pm Permalink
CMW definitely hit a few home runs here – John Rich creating country music and the obligatory Carrie vs. Taylor comment was solid!
February 5, 2010 at 5:28 pm Permalink
Alot of those were hilarious!! This was my favorite
“Who created country music?
God. And on the 7th day, He rested, and the Devil created Rascal Flatts. — Sam”
May 16, 2010 at 2:50 pm Permalink
I love this feature. The Rascall Flatts one was my favorite as well. I don’t really like their rock-heavy style, and I do enjoy hearing the critics bash them. (But there are a few Rascal Flatts songs that I like)
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