Heartland – “Mustache”

In its own way, “Mustache” is every bit as touching as the surprise hit that put Heartland on the map back in 2006. “I Loved Her First” addressed the special bond between a man and his little girl (who remains such even into adulthood), becoming an instant classic for father-daughter wedding dances. “Mustache” is a love note to a different set of people: those who rightly view the non-ironic donning of a mustache as one of the most curious personal grooming choices that can be made in the year 2009.

For the man portrayed by lead singer Jason Albert, there’s no feeling quite so unsettling as knowing that the woman he used to date is now seeing some guy with a mustache. For those already in the know, the point to which Albert keeps returning–“he’s got a mustache,” sung with equal parts confused wonder and head-shaking disgust–says it all. Who does this joker think he is, anyway?

For those unsure about what’s so wrong with Bucky Covington’s facial hair of choice, the songwriters kindly detail some of the pop culture baggage that comes with that furry, flavor-saving friend, as Albert sings: “He looks like a porn star, I bet he goes to the tanning bed/He needs a big ol’ chain, shirt unbuttoned and a hairy chest/I bet he wears Brut 33 and a Speedo at the pool.” Yep, that just about covers it.

Jokes at the expense of mustache-wearers are nothing new–in fact, important mustache rights groups such as the American Mustache Institute were formed for the express purpose of fighting such prejudice. But cutting a song on this topic in the country format qualifies as an almost subversive move. After all, this is one of the last areas of popular culture still hospitable to the non-ironic mustache. Countless country stars of bygone eras wore them, and current stars like Kix Brooks, John Rich, and Alan Jackson sport them proudly today. Perhaps fearing its unorthodox position will upset the country gods, Heartland wisely softens its message by conceding that Jackson wears his golden ’stache particularly well.

Coming from a band with one debut hit and four failed follow-up singles under its belt, there’s certainly more than a dash of desperation evident in the act of releasing a song this silly. This is novelty all the way, in both the positive and pejorative senses of the word: it’s cheap and disposable in a way that’s also legitimately fun and surprisingly novel. Although it may not be the type of material of which long-lasting careers are made, “Mustache” is an engagingly performed, enjoyable diversion in the here and now.

That may not sound like much, but it’s much more than allegedly funny songs by some of radio’s bigger stars (looking at you, Trace Adkins) have ever managed, so Heartland is to be commended for getting it right.

Listen: Heartland – “Mustache”