Friday Five: Death By Stampede

Today I guest write on Juli Thanki’s Friday Five not because she’s on vacation–mentally nor physically–but because we wanted to pay tribute to one particular little part of her that we adore. For those that have gotten the privilege to know her, Juli has a wonderful and twisted sense of humor, and nowhere is that more evident than in her Friday Five columns. After all, who else would have the grace to put together playlists on truly abominable topics like drowning and dead presidents and still make you smile while you’re reading them?

A couple weeks back, Juli put five songs together about freezing to death. (We here at The 9513 believe that mid-Atlantic cold spell has finally gone to her brain.) Offline, one of our other contributers, Sam Gazdziak affectionately called Juli, “The 9513′s resident mistress of the dark,” and suggested that since there’s so many happy pop-country songs out there, she should break out a new cause of death playlist every week for spite.

We won’t call this spiteful. We’ll just call this week’s Friday Five about death by stampede just a glorified lil’ honor to our own little Elvira.

• 5. “Stampede” – Chris Ledoux

  The poor protagonist in LeDoux’s song is making a peaceful resting spot down by the Red River and bunks down for the night when longhorns stampede through his camp. At the moment he’s about to be trampled to death, he awakes, only to find out that he’s been dreaming. But then the end of the song finishes off with his dream coming true, déjà-vu style. It’s like the movie Groundhog Day, but for cowboys out on the range.

• 4. “Buffalo Stampede” – Cowboy Troy

  I’ll take some grief for including Cowboy Troy in this “country music” playlist, but including this song helps spread the fear of being trampled beyond the bovine species and into the bison family. Cowboy Troy strings along a loose story of a buffalo stampede as an analogy of being a tough guy able to overcome anything–I think that’s what he’s talking about, anyway. I’m not quite jiggy enough to tell.

• 3. “Stampede” – Roy Rogers and the Sons Of The P

  “Ten thousand cattle in flight/The devil’s ridin’ herd tonight/The thunder of the hooves and the fury from the skies/Don’t get out in front or every man dies,” sings the King of the Cowboys, on a song released way back in 1950. Where’s Curly from City Slickers when you need him?

• 2. “Stampede” – Johnny Cash

  Originally released on Cash’s 1965 Western-themed album Johnny Cash Sings the Ballads of the True West, this song tells the story of a cowboy named Frank who is lost to a stampede when his foot misses a stirrup and he loses the grip of his horn. His final yell is, “Hey Johnny, head the wild bunch and do the ladies well.” Perhaps that’s the reason Cash shaved off the Bucky Covington mustache he was sporting on the album’s cover–chicks don’t always dig the stache’.

• 1. “Utah Carol” – Marty Robbins

  In this great story song from 1959, a cowboy named Utah takes the boss’s daughter out on a ride and the red blanket he puts under her saddle falls and causes a stampede. He leaps off his faithful steed, grabs the blanket and leads the stampede away from the young girl–towards himself instead. Utah’s a hero as he meets his end, but what do his friends do to remember him by? They bury him in the dang blanket that killed him!