Fast Ryde – “That Thang”
Take the decade’s worst song from any genre, add some weak rock, throw it in a blender with dog poo, and you’ve got Fast Ryde’s debut single, “That Thang.” What is “that thang,” you ask? A shapely scapula? A mesmerizing metatarsal? Hell no. That thang the Fast Ryde boys are referring to is none other than a honky tonk badonkadonk. “That Thang” mines its booty-praising predecessor for lyrical content, right down to wondering about the lady’s ability to don her britches. Oh, wait, in this song they’re called “drawers.”
The duo seems to have nice enough voices, and they, along with Sunny Sweeney, are the first artists signed by Republic Nashville, so Fast Ryde certainly has something going for them. But “That Thang” is straight up bad, even compared to its progenitors “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” and “The Thong Song.” “Baby Got Back” is like Paradise Lost in comparison. But feel free to make your own decision:
Sir Mix-a-Lot: “So your girlfriend rolls a Honda/Playing workout tapes by Fonda/But Fonda ain’t got a motor in the back of her Honda/My anaconda don’t want none/Unless you’ve got buns, hon.”
Fast Ryde: “She got that thang in the back/Make you wanna do a double take/Make you say ‘hey look at that’/She got that junk like a trailer yard/Man, that thang’s so hot, might set something on fire/She got that thang da dang dang dang.”
Toward the end of the song, there’s a lengthy string of nonsense syllables. Rest assured, you haven’t suffered a left hemisphere brain bleed, thus destroying your ability to understand language. It’s just Fast Ryde supplementing their da dang dangs with da doing doings. But you might want to stop banging your head against a wall every time this song comes on the radio, just in case.
Granted, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” did pretty well for itself despite its awfulness, so it’s very likely that brother-in-ass-song “That Thang” will experience equivalent success and become a summer smash. But if this is the “ryde” that Republic Nashville wants to take listeners on, those who hated “Badonkadonk” might want to keep on walking.
Listen: Fast Ryde – “That Thang”
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July 13, 2009 at 9:52 am Permalink
Aside from your assessment of this song, which I agree with, I think you’re going to have a tough time with the argument that “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” is the worst song (or one of the worst songs) of the decade. It is detestable in certain ways and for certain reasons, but also lovable in certain ways and for certain reasons.
In fact, if “Baby Got Back” is Paradise Lost, “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk” is to country butt songs what Ulysses is to the Modern novel.
July 13, 2009 at 9:55 am Permalink
Yeah, I’m ashamed to admit that I precisely agree with Jim on the Adkins song.
July 13, 2009 at 9:58 am Permalink
Oh. It’s tough listening to this.
July 13, 2009 at 10:10 am Permalink
Holy… this is just utter crap.
July 13, 2009 at 10:43 am Permalink
I think it’s a dang dang hit! Super fun.
July 13, 2009 at 10:46 am Permalink
It actually seems to lack some energy, oddly enough.
July 13, 2009 at 11:03 am Permalink
Heard much worse, right here on this very site. Much worse.
July 13, 2009 at 11:04 am Permalink
Dang.
July 13, 2009 at 11:40 am Permalink
It’s too bad that country songs about butts didn’t come into fashion until this decade. I’d love to see how Hank Williams or Eddie Arnold would have sung a country butt song.
July 13, 2009 at 1:08 pm Permalink
That’s mean. There is no reason to drag a perfectly good Sir-Mix-A-Lot song into this. Oh wait, after the whole Sponge Bob/BK commerical I guess he does deserve to be punished.
July 13, 2009 at 1:23 pm Permalink
Sounds like a bad Big-n-Rich song – only worse. Actually, I was trying to give it the benefit of the doubt until it got to the repetative “da dang dang dang” part. Until then the melody and music were able to carry me along and have me believing it could possibly be “ok” in a broad radio sense of the word. As bad as I disliked the “ooooh ooooh ooooh oooooh’s” in the Sugarland song, I disliked the “da dang dang dangs” even more.
This one may be pretty popular with the juvenile radio crowd for a little while, but I think (hope) even they will grow weary of it quickly.
July 13, 2009 at 4:22 pm Permalink
Over at the CMT.com blog in a recent comment on an Ashley Monroe feature I described Fast Ryde as a “hack act” in comparison to a talented artist like Ashley.
A guy named “Danny” took exception to my swipe at Fast Ryde and responded thusly: “Have to disagree there. I’ve heard some of the Fast Ryde songs and they were amazing. More original than anything I’ve ever heard.” Now what are the odds Danny is a PR flack for Republic Nashville? If not, he should be…
PS – Fast Ryde was NOT brought into Republic Nashville by Scott Borchetta, who has shown better taste in the artists he has signed to his own labels.
July 13, 2009 at 4:44 pm Permalink
Rick,
Republic is co-owned By Borchetta and is the CEO of the label but he has it running like a stand-alone label.
July 13, 2009 at 6:30 pm Permalink
Since Fast Ryde is obviously controversial (well, around here anyway), I decided to seek out a detailed press release regarding the founding of the Republic Nashville label to see who we can blame for these guys! I’ll give Scott Borchetta the benefit of the doubt and guess Monte Lipman or Jimmy Harnen are the culprits! Do these guys really think they can repeat the success of Taylor Swift with Fast Ryde on their roster? Hmmm… Here’s the whole enchilada!
“PRESS RELEASE (New York, NY- June 5, 2009) Monte Lipman, President and CEO of Universal Republic and Scott Borchetta, President and CEO of Big Machine Records, LLC proudly announced today the formation of a new label partnership – Republic Nashville, which will be based in Nashville. The imprint will be headquartered on Music Row and utilize the combined resources of Big Machine Records and Universal Republic Records.
Big Machine and Universal Republic first joined forces in 2007 to propel country Superstar Taylor Swift to Top 40 radio and beyond, with Taylor becoming the best-selling all-genre artist in 2008.
Lipman and Borchetta also announced former Capitol Records Promotion executive Jimmy Harnen has been appointed President of Republic Nashville. Mr. Harnen worked with Borchetta in a previous capacity at DreamWorks Nashville.
Monte Lipman commented: “Scott Borchetta and his great team at Big Machine and the Valory Music Co. continue to tower over the country music landscape with a tireless commitment to their artists and a visionary approach to discovering new talent that has become the benchmark of Nashville. We’re thrilled to expand our relationship with them, and welcome Jimmy Harnen as he steps into this key role at a crucial juncture in our two companies’ unique history together.”
“Monte and I have been searching for a way to expand our business relationship and I believe we have found the perfect compliment in the creation of Republic Nashville,” stated Borchetta. “This venture is an opportunity to utilize the best of our Nashville resources and the best of Monte’s New York resources to create a powerhouse entertainment company. It also affords me the opportunity to bring Jimmy Harnen into the family in a presidential role. Jimmy’s tireless ambition, leadership, trend-spotting, A&R tastes and shared vision for this cutting-edge new company is going to prove to be very successful and a helluva lot of fun.”
“Reuniting with Scott is fantastic in so many ways,” stated Jimmy Harnen. “As a friend and a colleague, it’s been a thrill to see him and his incredible team achieve such great success these past few years. I relish the opportunity to join the environment he has created that epitomizes the cutting edge of Nashville and the entire music scene. I’m also looking forward to working with Monte Lipman, one of the most respected executives in our entire business, as we combine our resources to make Republic Nashville a productive and unique success story.”
Previously, Harnen was Senior Vice President of Promotion for Capitol Records, Nashville. In 2006 he was Vice-President of Promotion for the company. From 2000 to 2003 Mr. Harnen was Co-National Director of Promotion for DreamWorks Records in Nashville, working closely with Mr. Borchetta, who was a DreamWorks executive at the time.
Republic Nashville’s inaugural roster will include honky tonkin’ singer/songwriter Sunny Sweeney and new country duo Fast Ryde, among other artists. A major staff announcement regarding the new label will be forthcoming.”
Rick’s Comment – Gosh, my personal BS detector pegged numerous times throughout that press release! If the label could succeed on bluster and bravado alone they’d have it made! (lol) Unfortunately I don’t see how Fast Ryde fulfills their quest for “a visionary approach to discovering new talent”. I’d say its more of a delusional approach at this time (except where Sunny Sweeney is concerned)…
July 13, 2009 at 6:36 pm Permalink
This song blows.
July 13, 2009 at 7:36 pm Permalink
I for one couldn’t be happier about this group and song. Thanks be to the gods of fake-country.
July 13, 2009 at 11:10 pm Permalink
Outside of record label, what do Sunny Sweeney, Taylor Swift, and Fast Ride have in common? Quick… Come on… Ok, I’ll tell you. Ummm… now where did I put my Bourbon – Sloe Gin slushie… Shoot, lost my train of thought.
July 14, 2009 at 12:34 am Permalink
Help me! The apocalypse is coming. The auto-tuner has come to country music. This week’s Country Aircheck has a link to some of Fast Ryde’s other tunes, and I only listened to a couple. A song called “Top Down” uses the auto-tuner, synthesizer type thing that you hear in all the rap songs. I’m not sure if those are the correct names for it. But… if this works… I’m scared. I’m scared!!
Take a listen: http://www.fastryde.com/playfastryde/
July 14, 2009 at 12:38 am Permalink
upon further review, they also have a song called “Ridin’ Dirty”. it’s also as bad as it sounds.
I feel like this is the worst thing that could happen to country music. I will start dequesting the song at all radio stations beginning tomorrow.
July 14, 2009 at 1:23 am Permalink
They lost me at “Let’s go” nine seconds in.
July 14, 2009 at 6:50 am Permalink
Zach: Tell me its not a Chamillionaire cover?!
July 14, 2009 at 7:29 am Permalink
YUCK.
July 14, 2009 at 8:56 am Permalink
My hats off to anyone who came make it though the song. About 30 seconds is all I could take.
July 14, 2009 at 9:41 am Permalink
You just know a song is going to suck when its name is “That Thang”.
July 14, 2009 at 8:03 pm Permalink
Agreed with Zach about the apocalypse coming. They’re using autotuner (which Jay-Z has called for an end to in the hip-hop world…wish he’d extend that call to arms to the country scene) and hip hop slang. This is not just wrong and nausea inducing, it’s great!!! (For Farce the Music, not for country music) I thought for sure “Make it Rain” would be about throwing money in the air for strippers.
July 14, 2009 at 10:45 pm Permalink
This is honestly the worst music I’ve ever heard. If you can call it music.
July 14, 2009 at 11:11 pm Permalink
This is purely conjecture on my part- I believe the “doing doings” are a subtle nod to Eminem’s “Ass Like That,” given everything else we have learned about our new friends.
By the way, I am going to go commit suicide now…
July 15, 2009 at 12:02 am Permalink
Yeah, this one’s a gem alright. The sad part is, I’ve actually heard this getting play on one of the local radio stations. Well, not heard it…I turned it after hearing the chorus one time. But what scares me is that this could be the “Holler Back” of this summer, where the song is awful, but inexplicably gets airplay and becones a hit. This is easily among the worst singles this year, but unlike “Don’t Chase Me” and “Bobbi with an I,” Fast Ryde might get some airplay in the lower rungs of the charts. And hearing this song come on the radio even two or three times is too much for all of us.
July 15, 2009 at 10:54 am Permalink
Oh Jim.. again… your an always constant contradiction… If reading your articles wasn’t a further waste of my time I would try to go back and find some of your (as usual)negative references to ba-donk-a-donk AND Baby Got Back…that I recently read. Though you contradict your self here in your first comment… I have to admit that you make a great point… The same ” but also lovable in certain ways and for certain reasons” comment applies to my ‘body part song of choice’ “Rockin’ The Beer Gut”(which you clearly only “Detest”) also. Thanks for reminding me why I love shaking my “Ba-donk-a-donk” to both songs. Whether I’m cleaning my house or partying with my friends…
And – just to clarify, This was only a comment on Jim’s consistent contradiction of his own words…
I have not heard the song being reviewed here… but all this negative attention will definitely light my fire to check it out!
Love it or hate it… I will choose to listen with an open mind.
T1
July 15, 2009 at 11:57 am Permalink
i finally was hungover enough to listen to this. it’s not bad. it’s f’n wretched. dolly should sue for using her name. every song doesn’t have to have gravity and such deep meaning but at the very least a song should have something to say. i can’t see what the hell these guys have to say.
July 15, 2009 at 12:35 pm Permalink
I have not heard this one on the radio… until I do, I’m going to forget I heard it. If I turn on my radio and hear it, I’m going to throw the radio out the window and drive to the nearest bar. Bad does not begin to describe it. Mindless is too complimentary. Soul-sucking is closer, but still not there. Badonkadonk made me feel like the writers were winking and nodding when they wrote it. This makes me think the writers were shaking and drooling… Who listens to this and likes it?
July 15, 2009 at 12:42 pm Permalink
:) Da Dang Dang Dang
July 16, 2009 at 3:33 pm Permalink
IF ANY OF YOU NAYSAYERS HAD ANY IDEA OF THE SCOPE OF THE MAGNITUDE OF THE ABILITY OF THE MEMBERS OF FAST RYDE TO WRITE, SING, PLAY AND PERFORM ANY STYLE OF MUSIC THEY SO DESIRE AND AT THE SAME TIME BE FREAKIN’ FABULOUS AT ALL OF IT…YOU’D SHUT UP. THEY ARE SO DAMN GOOD THAT FOR ALL I KNOW, THEY WROTE A PIECE OF SHIT SONG JUST TO GET YOUR PANTIES IN A WAD.IF YOU ONLY KNEW…
July 16, 2009 at 4:09 pm Permalink
Clever… they wrote this song just to get our expectations down, because they’re THAT Da dang dang good. If only I knew… If only there was some way for them to win the respect of country fans… I can’t think of a single way. Wait! Release a good song? No, that’d never work… I guess they’re on the right path!
July 16, 2009 at 7:17 pm Permalink
I heard 3 other songs from them, Jaime. Are those all part of the plot as well? I’ve always heard it the other way around… you have to write great songs so you can get “in” and then you can write crap like that all day long.
July 16, 2009 at 8:29 pm Permalink
Hahaha!! IQ levels are dropping!
what the hell is this thing i just listened to. if it was some pop crap, i wouldn’t have been this pissed. but country? country isn;t supposed to be this … annoying. urgh.
July 17, 2009 at 9:39 pm Permalink
I don’t know what you guys are talking about. I don’t listen to much country, and when I heard this it sure didn’t sound too different from the past 200 hits that have come out of Nashville. And, I say that in a good way. I mean, why are you people so mean? I can totally picture thousands of chicks dancing to this song and screamin’ with beers in hand…and I am one. So, I guess I’m the authority. In the end, it doesn’t matter what people say on this little website; it matters what everyday folks think when they hear the song, and I guarantee tons of them are gonna love it!!!!
July 17, 2009 at 10:00 pm Permalink
I don’t listen to much country, and when I heard this it sure didn’t sound too different from the past 200 hits that have come out of Nashville.
And, I say that in a good way.
These statements are not compatible.
July 18, 2009 at 11:37 pm Permalink
Whatever, you’re probably just another old person who likes old country and can’t accept the fact that country music changes each year.
This is a great song! And so is “Honky Tonk Badonkadonk”. Those other two songs were expected to suck because….well look at the artists!
Country music needed another ass song and this one’s perfect.
July 19, 2009 at 11:17 am Permalink
If my da dang dang program director adds this da dang dang trite piece of gooey Rascal Flatts garbage, I’ll be slamming my head into the da dang dang console.
July 19, 2009 at 12:03 pm Permalink
How oh how did country music survive so long without any ass songs? Oh right, good music.
July 21, 2009 at 9:50 am Permalink
This song is rockin!!! I can totally see how old ppl might not like it, old folks r always complaining and hating. Maybe ya’ll r mad cause you don’t have “that thang” lol I do!!! And I’m glad the boys at fast ryde can appreciate a good badonkadonk!
July 22, 2009 at 6:37 am Permalink
Kristin, that’s exactly what we have here, a bunch of stick-in-the muds.
For Fast Ryde’s sake, I just hope they all tell their grandkids how much they hate Fast Ryde… nothing will help them become popular faster.
July 22, 2009 at 9:35 am Permalink
This song is awful. The doings and thangs and dangs… ugh. I turn it off every time it comes on the radio.
August 7, 2009 at 12:05 am Permalink
I liked the song of course I also liked honky tonk badonkadonk by Trace Adkins and All I want to do oooo ooo ooo by Sugarland. I dont think any of them are bad at all. But if by some chance you all think you can do better give it a try and may your public be as critical as you are.
August 12, 2009 at 11:10 pm Permalink
Call me crazy but I really like the song. I’ve listened to some country in my day and I like it. It’s catching, the lyrics are good and I like the sound. I get tired of all the same old boring stuff these artist are putting out.
August 13, 2009 at 6:41 am Permalink
I think that’s what most of us are worried about: its catching.
August 17, 2009 at 12:36 pm Permalink
I think we might be suffering from some revisionist history with Honky Tonk Badonk. The first time i heard it , i proclaimed it the worst song I had ever heard.
Due to the fact that Jamey Johnson wrote it, and is now a big star with a strong rep, we dont want to completely rail on it.
August 28, 2009 at 10:54 am Permalink
I absolutely LOVE this song!! So fun and makes me want to shake my “thang”!!!!! Got to love a guy who appreciates a nice butt!!! ;)
August 28, 2009 at 1:16 pm Permalink
Can’r we go back to the days when we could just slap them instead?
August 28, 2009 at 10:11 pm Permalink
I think that this Thang is a Dang Dang HIT!!!!!
August 28, 2009 at 10:32 pm Permalink
I hear they have medication for that now.
October 5, 2009 at 2:56 pm Permalink
Sorry folks, I’m gonna side with the younger generation here, this will be a fun party tune and I can certainly see a great line dance in the future… Honky Tonk badonka donk fan as well!!
October 10, 2009 at 10:59 am Permalink
this is a good song that is farley good its therir song they sing wat they want so if u dont like it dont comment it isnt u singing it so shut up
November 1, 2009 at 5:51 pm Permalink
It really is a great song. Being in country radio myself, I know what is good and this song is good.
November 1, 2009 at 6:32 pm Permalink
Being a DJ in country radio, I can tell you Edd is wrong.
November 1, 2009 at 7:53 pm Permalink
This song still blows.
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