December 2009 Mailbag: What Key Does Garth Brooks Sing In?

What key does Garth Brooks sing in?
Florida doesn’t pay enough to bring Garth out of semi-retirement. — Karlie

What key do you prefer and how much are you willing to pay? Also, is a private jet included as part of the offer? — CMW

Where does Big Kenny live?
He was born in Big Beaver, PA, but then spent time in Bigfoot, TX, Big Horn Basin, WY and Big Flats, NY before settling down in Dinkytown, MN. — Ken

What brand of cowboy hat does John Rich wear?
Oversized. — CMW

We’d ask him, but don’t want to get a beer bottle to the face. — Juli

Why doesn’t Jason Aldean ever take his hat off?
He’s seen Alan Jackson and Tim McGraw with their hats off, and it ain’t pretty. — Karlie

It makes his earrings stand out. — Juli

That’s the only thing country about him. — CMW

Does Taylor Swift like Carrie Underwood?
Taylor Swift can not even sing and she is not country and her only fans are silly teenagers and she remixes her songs to pop radio and she’s only popular because of the whole Kanye thing. — Blake

Carrie Underwood can not even write a song and she’s not country, “Cowboy Casanova” is like bad pop music and and she’s only popular because she was on American Idol and Simon made her! — Jim

What is Lady Antebellum’s real name?
Doug T. Poindexter. He only uses Lady Antebellum when he goes to the local bar’s Drag Queen Night with his friend Bobbi. — Karlie

How did Gloriana get their name?
Who is G-g-g-g-g-g-loriana? — Lady Gaga

Gloriaestefan was already taken. — Juli

They thought up the dumbest name they could, then tried to top it. — CMW

Addendum: However, they forgot the crucial step of insisting that it be spelled out in ALL CAPS. — CMW

Who played pedal steel for Wynn Stewart?
Ralph Mooney, also the originator of the popular Southern delicacy known as the mooneypie. — CMW

Who wrote “People Are Crazy?”
Doug Supernaw and Daron Norwood — Sam

What is Wayman’s song?
Only the best, most heartfelt, honest and perfect song ever written. And if you don’t like it, you’ve clearly never lost a loved one, and you might be racist, too. — Every Toby Keith fan who’s ever commented on The 9513

What are some good sad songs for your dad?
“I Can’t Find a Job and am Moving Back Home” by the Class of 09. — Juli

“Dad Gave My Dog Away” by T. Texas Tyler — Ken

What are some songs about men who don’t appreciate their women?
“I’m So Miserable Without You, It’s Almost Like Having You Here” by Stephen Bishop
“You Can’t Have Your Kate and Edith Too” by The Statler Brothers
“All I Want For You (Is Away)” by Loretta Lynn
“How Can I Miss You When You Won’t Go Away” by Dan Hicks — Ken

Anything that Taylor Swift has ever written. — Sam

“Delia’s Gone” and “Knoxville Girl” both fit the bill. — CMW

What is Joe Diffie doing now?
Fondly remembering the days of the Mullet Renaissance. — Sam

Submitting mailbag questions to The 9513. — CMW

What kind of shampoo does Carrie Underwood use?
Something wholesome, pure and bland, no doubt. — Sam

She soaks her flaxen locks in the blood of infidels. — CMW

The 9513’s undercover reporter Mike Fisher is working on the answer to this critical piece of background on Ms. Underwood as we speak. — Ken

Who sings better as a memory?
I remember when Carrie’s voice sounded so sweet and pure to me, but hearing her now reminds me that she broke my heart and crushed my dreams. Yes, my secret is out…darn you Mike Fisher! — Jim

What was Carrie Underwood’s real last name?
What?! You mean we don’t know her last name? Her mama will be so ashamed. — Blake

Does Tennessee like Billy Ray Cyrus?
It thought “Achey Breaky Heart” was pretty catchy, but it has the common sense to not admit it in public. — Sam

Why did Chad Kroeger change his name?
He figured he’d have a tough go of it as Douchey McDoucherson. — CMW

Because “Bucky Covington” is a completely unmarketable name. — Sam

Where can I listen to Gary Allan learning how to bend?
In his yoga class. – Sam

Who sang people crazy?
Elvis Presley. — CMW

What is the vocal range of Terri Clark?
From Nashville all the way back to Canada. — Blake

Who can sing “Alright” by Darius Rucker?
Anyone with poor taste. — CMW