Bill Simmons’ Grammy Highlights

Aside from being a fan of country fan I’m a huge sports fan, and my favorite sportswriter is Bill Simmons from ESPN. Occasionally Simmons will write about other topics in his column and it’s always an entertaining read. I’ve read a lot of articles on the Grammys today, but his highlights were by far the best.

8:10 — The Dixie Chicks play a song from their hit album, “Nobody Listened To Us — We Freaking Told You This Would Happen!” The two pretty ones are wearing black cocktail dresses; the semi-chubby one is wearing a white dress with a fluffy bottom. The Sports Gal is outraged. “It’s like the two skinny ones talked her into it so they could look even thinner,” she says. Um, OK.

9:11 — And the Grammy for “Song of the Year” goes to … the Dixie Chicks. Is this an awards show or a three-hour apology with trophies?

9:39 — Best moment of the night: LeAnn Rimes and Mandy Moore coming out to present as the camera cuts to Jamie Foxx studying them with one of those, “Wait, have I been with either of them yet?” looks on his face. Classic. He’s the best. Meanwhile, the Dixie Chicks win again for “Best Country Album.” We might make it through this entire show without me hearing a single song that I downloaded in 2006.

9:58 — Sports Gal’s take on Rascal Flatts: “I don’t get it. I don’t get it at all. I hate everything about them. I hate their name. I hate their music. I hate the lead singer’s voice. I hate his hair. I hate his leather jacket. I hate everything. What are they? I wouldn’t even hire them for a wedding if I only had $15,000 to spend on everything.” She’s not a fan.

11:00 — The Dixie Chicks win again for “Record of the Year.” I feel like the Grammy voters are speaking out against the Iraqi conflict at this point. We’ll know for sure if Cindy Sheehan wins for “Best Rock Album.”

11:25 — Our final awards tonight: Don Henley and Scarlett Johannson come out to present Scarlett’s breasts, as well as the “Album of the Year” … and the Dixie Chicks end up going 5-for-5. Now pray for me while I spend the rest of the night trying to get that “I’m not ready to make nice … I’m not ready to back down” song out of my head. This is ouuuuuuuuuuur country.

Some of the funnier stuff was in the non-country categories, so check it out if you’re interested.